


Taboo Subjects

by Into_Evernight



Category: AFI
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-24
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-03-08 22:20:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3225572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Into_Evernight/pseuds/Into_Evernight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade isn't looking forward to his second year at Berkeley, until he finds out that his Social Psychology teacher is really hot. [Secret Santa for Mel/artemis]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on AFIslash from 12/31/2011 to 01/28/2012
> 
> Story Notes: My prompts were:
> 
> Prompt 1: (I know it's a long shot, but one can hope) Morgan/Reid and Jade/Adam crossover, NOT mixed Jade belongs to Adam and Reid to Morgan, but anything that would involve the four would be highly appreciated  
> Prompt 2: some angsty canon!Jadam during DU  
> Prompt 3: (it's an old hat, but not with that pairing) teacher/student Jadam
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this (still am). :P I had no idea I could write Jadam anymore until I actually tried. So, yeah, I got very inspired and couldn't stop (as usual). This will probably be somewhere between 4-5 chapters, and I already have two of them written. I promise this will get finished. I love writing it (and my sister probably won't leave me alone about it anyway, LOL).
> 
> Many thanks to Audrey Way, mandasapanda, and my sister for their help with this. My sister now wants an Adam. Lol.
> 
> Disclaimer: These are mere characters based on the members of AFI (not the real members, duh). I do not own; I do not make money. No disrespect, harm, or libel is intended; this never ever happened (and never will) as this is 100 percent fictitious.

Although this was Jade's second year at Berkeley, he still felt like a fucking freshman. He was just as socially awkward, just as confused and uncertain about his direction in life, as when he'd first enrolled. On a whim, he'd decided at the second semester of last year that he knew what his major was going to be—sociology. At the time, the idea had left him feeling ridiculously proud of himself, and it looked so goddamn good on paper. However, halfway through the spring semester that delirious, giddy thrill had worn off and he'd been slapped sharply in the face by reality—sociology was _not_ what he wanted to do with his life.

By the time he'd stopped waffling and made up his mind, it was already too late. His parents had barely been able to scrape together enough money to help him attend Berkeley and live on campus. It was his fucking fault for dropping out of high school, but, no, he'd wanted to party it up and run off and play shows with his band, Loose Change. He'd considered himself a bad boy, even taking on the nickname Jade "The Player" Puget. Which, by now, felt like the most silly, insignificant, downright _immature_ thing he could've done. All of it was painful to reflect on, and it made him squirm every time he thought of it. It was only when he'd had some sense knocked into him by his best friend, Davey, that he'd broken down and gotten his GED. So here he was, barely making it on a combination of government aid, the loan his parents had taken out, and his own shitty ass paycheck from his job at the college bookstore. He felt like a fucking _idiot_

As he walked up the now familiar pathway to his dorm, he held onto the crumpled paper with his student information like it was a lifeline. Like he was a freshman, he thought, grimacing. He was shaky and nervous and he wanted nothing more than to go home and re-evaluate his life choices. The first semester of his freshman year had been full of slacking and half-assing his assignments, trying to fit back into the party life and act like the badass he was back in high school. It wasn't cutting it, and by the time his party peers had been sent home with rock-bottom GPAs and no ambition, he found he was alone. Completely, utterly alone. And once that had set in, college had _truly_ begun.

This year, he was ready to sit down and be serious about his life, try to figure out what he wanted to do. But he didn't know what he _liked_ , and sociology wasn't going away, so he might as well stick with it. But, he thought as he swung open the door to his dorm, he sure as hell couldn't work in it.

He blinked in the dim light of the hall, letting the door close with this empty sound, locking out the dry, late summer day behind him. Slowly, he adjusted his bookbag and used his card to open the door to the stairs, taking them quickly.

His room wasn't much different from last year. Same cinder block walls. Same awkward twin beds pushed at opposite sides of the room. The place was strangely desolate, and he wondered where his roommate was. If there was a roommate at all. As familiar as this all was, it was still like starting over again, and it wasn't a good feeling. He felt kind of scared, actually. Like the responsibility and gravity of his impending adulthood was weighing down on him.

He finished unpacking his clothes and putting his things away, then sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at the wall ahead of him, unsure of what to do. Carefully, he pulled his schedule out of his backpack, looking at it for the tenth time since that morning. His first class tomorrow was at eight AM, the thought of which made him groan. And if it wasn't the most riveting subject—Social Psychology. He thought it sounded like two of the dullest subjects combined; the only thing that could've made it worse was if they'd somehow thrown statistics in there or something. They probably would, he thought grimly. But then he looked back to the teacher for Social Psychology and stopped. Adam Carson—he'd never heard that name before. _Must be new,_ he thought. Whoever he was, he hoped he was a good teacher—or knew how to make such a boring subject seem interesting. Folding up his paper, he stuck it in the front pocket on his backpack and stretched back on the bed to stare up at the ceiling, arms crossed behind his head. Whatever this semester had in store for him, it had to be better than the last.

–

The moment Jade walked into his classroom the next morning, he knew he was going to have a problem. His mouth went dry when he saw the man sitting at the front table, and he could hardly tear his eyes away from him. He was young and he had the most gorgeous blue eyes Jade had ever seen. His nose was endearingly crooked and he had a bit of stubble peppering his chin. He looked like a lax kind of guy, dressed in loose blue jeans and a white T-shirt that accentuated his toned body. Jade swallowed hard, feeling his pulse rabbiting in his throat. Holy shit.

Slowly, he stepped into the room, drawing the attention of that blue-eyed man for a split second. He offered Jade a warm, welcoming smile before flicking his gaze back down to the notebook he had open on his desk. Shakily, Jade went up to the first level of seats, sliding into the desk nearest the front.

As he put his book on his desk, he vaguely wondered if it was noticeable. If anyone—or everyone—could tell. He was only half out of the closet, and he didn't want the whole fucking school to know his business. Only his family and a few close friends knew and he wanted to keep it that way, but guys like this...they made it hard. He found himself biting down on his pencil, and quickly dropped his hands to the desk top.

The students finished filing in and the man—what was his name again, anyway?—shut his notebook. He got up and closed the door, then went back across the room to the whiteboard, where he wrote his name. "Hey, guys," he began, voice deep, soft around the edges like velvet. Smoky velvet. "My name's Adam Carson and I'll be your Social Psychology teacher this semester. In this class, we're going to be very laid back, so please call me Adam." He put his hands behind his back, smiling warmly at everyone. "The first thing I want everyone to do is put their books away; we don't need those. This class is going to be more discussion based. Sociology is rooted in human interaction—so that's how we're going to learn."

A pang of panic washed over Jade and he had to bite back a groan. Adam seemed cool, but a discussion based class? He was going to _die_. Reluctantly, he slipped his thick textbook back into his backpack. Well, he thought, at least it wouldn't be boring.

Adam waited for everyone to finish putting their books away, then walked over to the other side of the whiteboard and finished erasing an old syllabus. "We're going to start with a little activity," he continued, marker squeaking against the whiteboard. "I want everyone to tell me a little about themselves. Your name, your hometown, any hobbies you have, and why you chose sociology as a major." He paused as he finished writing the items on the board. "We'll start with the front and work our way back. Why don't you start?" He gestured towards Jade with a kind smile. Jade felt his stomach drop down to his shoes, felt like the whole fucking classroom was closing in on him. Suddenly, he was hot and sweaty. Those eyes were locked with his and they weren't looking away anytime soon.

"Uh...um..." He shifted, swallowing hard and wiping his sweating palms on his jeans. Oh, God, all eyes were on him and now he was shaking. "My name's Jade Puget," he began softly, his voice wavering. "I, um, come from Ukiah—lived there all my life." He swallowed hard again, his mind going blank. _Come on, Puget,_ he scolded himself, _fucking get it together._ "I like to play guitar, collect records, and go to shows. Music is my life." He laughed feebly. And then that dreaded last question. He needed to bullshit, and fast. "I chose sociology because..." He paused briefly, tongue flicking out over his lower lip and eyes darting to the door. He wanted to run. "Because I think people and how they interact with each other is interesting. I, uh, felt like that could apply to music...and stuff." The last part was mumbled, and he felt his ears grow hot as he lowered his head. Smooth. Now everyone thought he was an idiot.

If Adam had thought that was retarded, he didn't show it. Instead, he raised his eyebrows and said, "Ukiah? I came from there too. Small world, huh?" He smiled at Jade, who just returned it shyly, and then he turned to the next person.

No matter how hard Jade tried to pay attention, he couldn't. He kept replaying Adam's words to him the entire time. And his heart kept pounding as he remembered his own stupid explanation, kicking himself over and over for not having had a better reason than _it sounded cool at the time._ But maybe, just maybe, Social Psychology wouldn't be so bad after all. Not with a hottie like Adam teaching it—that was for damn sure.

–

Three classes and a meal later, Jade was back in his dorm room relaxing on his bed with a bag of chips and the phone. It was late enough for Davey's classes to be over, so hopefully he would be available. He dialed the familiar numbers and then settled back against his bunched up pillows, chewing noisily as he waited for him to pick up.

It got to the third ring before Davey's voice answered, sounding breathless, like he'd just run all the way down the stairs. "Hello?"

"Hey, man, it's Jade." Jade paused as Davey returned the greeting, then interrupted him before he could ask him any bullshitty questions or initiate small talk. "Listen, I gotta talk to you. It's important." He stuffed another chip in his mouth, the crunching sound loud in his head and nearly blocking out Davey's response.

"Yeah? What's up?" He could just imagine Davey flopping down on the couch, his stringy hair falling all in his face as he lay on his stomach, rested his chin on the armrest.

"I, uh... Well, I met this guy..." It came out sounding more assholish than anything. He cringed.

The pause that followed only lasted a split second, and when Davey spoke again, his voice was tinged with surprise. "Yeah?" He laughed in that annoying way he did when he thought he knew better. "Jade, it's only your first day back. What the hell...?"

Flustered, indignant, Jade fumbled with his words, any way of salvaging his dignity. "I know, but... This guy is fuckin' _hot_."

"Really?" Jade could practically see Davey raising his eyebrow.

"Yeah, I know, I know. But he seems really, really cool," Jade argued. "And not just 'cause he's hot." Another chip.

Davey sighed softly. "Well, why don't you just go for it? I mean, geez, you don't have anything to lose." Here, his tone changed, and he griped, "You need to stop coming to me for assurance. Just do it. You can't just sit around passively and hope he's gonna come to you. That's not the way it works."

Coughing slightly, Jade grinned sheepishly, digging through the bag for another handful of chips. "Yeah, I know. But there's one tiny, little problem."

"And what would that be? Hm?" Davey groaned under his breath.

"Well, uh... The thing is..." Jade stopped digging around the chip bag, cleared his throat. "He's my teacher."

Horrified silence. It dragged on until Davey's name was on the tip of Jade's tongue, but he stopped when he heard that thin voice grow more nasally than it usually was. "Oh." There it was. Flat. Final. Disapproving. Jade felt like he was sinking through the mattress.

"No, no, don't you understand? Haven't you, like, _been_ there?" A beat. Jade sat up straight and frowned, speaking a little louder. "Don't judge me!"

Davey chuckled softly. "For fuck's sake, don't get your panties in a bunch." He snorted. "It's just...you made it sound like—you know what, never mind."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jade asked warily, sinking back down to the pillows.

"Look, are you calling me for advice or not? Because hooking your teacher is a pretty lame thing to do. Are you really that desperate? Because I know someone that can—"

Interrupting him with a ragged sigh, Jade insisted, "No, no, I'm fine." He swallowed hard, his voice lowering. "I guess I did want advice. I mean, he's not _that_ much older than me. I just...I mean, I don't know if he has a girlfriend or if he even swings that way or not. But I was just thinking that maybe..." He trailed off, knowing how stupid he sounded right now.

Davey snorted again. "Well, fuck. You're serious about this, huh? Oh, Jade..." By now, Jade was sure Davey was shaking his head at him, like he was hopeless. It made him bristle. "I don't know what to tell you. If you can find out whether or not he swings that way, then, hell, why the fuck not? Whatever floats your boat."

"I just don't know how—"

"Don't you have gaydar or something?" Davey asked incredulously. "You know what? It's fine. You'll know. Join gay-straight alliance or something like that and bring up one of the events in class. It's sociology, right? Gay has to do with sociology." Jade just nodded, opened his mouth, but Davey was cutting him off. "Listen, I gotta go. My girlfriend's supposed to come over at four. Good luck with your teacher man." He hung up.

Slowly, Jade sat up and wiped his hands on his jeans, thinking about what Davey had said. He shook his head, stunned. "Fucking brilliant," he mumbled. Why wasn't _Davey_ the one studying sociology? He seemed to know a hell of a lot more than he did. Suddenly inspired, he crammed the chip bag to the corner of the bed and hid it under a pillow, then got to his feet and headed for the door. He didn't remember if they had a gay-straight alliance at the school but he might as well find out. If nothing else, it'd be a nice social experiment.

–

It was only the next day, after Jade had signed up, that the brilliance of the plan faded away. If he was a part of this, then people were going to _know_. Fuck. He wanted to call Davey up and yell at him for it, because he _knew_ how he felt about his business being everyone's knowledge, but he didn't. Maybe it was time to stop hiding, he thought. It wasn't a _shameful_ thing, right? Besides, how was he going to ever find a boyfriend if no one _knew_?

He sighed and sat down on the front steps of the humanities building, smoothing the wrinkles in the flier he held. Their first meeting was tomorrow night. And the seniors he'd talked to had told him to try to spread the word about it. Truth be told, he was scared, and the thought made his stomach churn and the acid rise inside his throat. He felt like a bad person, only standing up for what was right because he _wanted_ something. Groaning, he held his head in his hands, the flier lying in his lap.

The sound of footsteps coming quickly up the walk forced him to look over his hands, eyes bleary and tired looking. His heart stuck in his throat when he saw Adam coming up, a worn, black backpack slung over his shoulder. "Morning," he greeted with a little smile—the kind that met his eyes. And in the golden glow of the morning light, his eyes looked extra blue, like the sky or something like that, Jade thought.

"Hey," Jade mumbled, forcing a weak smile of his own. His hands were getting clammy again, and he felt his heart beating too fast.

He thought that would be that, that Adam would go on up the steps and be done with him. But he stopped when he saw the flier lying in Jade's lap. "You're attending tonight? Nice to know we'll see a familiar face," Adam remarked, gesturing towards it.

"Huh?" Jade looked confused for a moment, then glanced down at the flier in his lap and his face flushed slightly. "Oh, um, yeah. Wait..." He paused, drawing too-wide eyes up to Adam's. "Are you going too?"

Adam nodded, shifting the backpack higher up his shoulder. "Yeah, I'm one of the advisers this year."

"Oh..." Jade lowered his head a bit, smoothing the flier just to do something with his hands. And the next thing that blurted out of his mouth made him feel like a jerk. "So...um...which are you?" He wanted to take it back instantly, but it was too late. "Sorry..." he added quickly, looking away.

Adam laughed, this soft, warm sound. "Nah, it's okay. It's not a secret." Jade could see him smiling out of the corner of his eye. "I'm gay." Jade noticed he didn't return the question—another reason to kick himself for being rude.

But...at the same time...he felt this sudden spark of hope, this delightful fluffy swelling inside his chest. Before he could stop himself, he was replying, "Oh, cool. Me too." He paused, fingers shaking as they drifted over the edges of the paper. "I just didn't want anyone to know... I kind of signed up on a whim."

Something in Adam's expression grew a little softer, more understanding. He shrugged it off. "Hey, no problem. A lot of people don't want anyone to know but it's not so bad being out. There's a lot of really nice people here—you'll be fine." He shifted from one foot to the other, gaze never leaving Jade. It made his ears feel hot again. "If you ever need anyone to talk to about it, you know I'll listen because it's tough figuring it out. It wasn't until I was a junior in college that it made sense to me." He laughed softly.

Jade nodded a little, this genuine smile lighting up his features. "Okay, thanks. Really."

"No problem." Adam paused, his lips twisting in a similarly genuine smile. Their eyes locked for a moment, the kind of gaze that made Jade's face flush and the warmth spread over his entire body. It lasted for a moment longer than normal, enough to make Jade wonder... But then Adam was pulling his eyes away, towards the doors of the building. "I better start getting ready for class. I'll see you then." He waved at him slightly, then went up the steps, leaving Jade sitting there with a pounding heart.

Holy shit. Had he really just...with his _teacher_? There was no doubt about it. Adam had been checking him out. Holy shit. He couldn't wait to tell Davey about this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy to say that I've already finished this story, so expect an update every Saturday. :) I quite like how it turned out too, and hope you all will as well. X)
> 
> Special thanks to the lovely Audrey Way and my sister for all their help beta-ing and giving feedback on this chapter!
> 
> Disclaimer: These are mere characters based on the members of AFI (not the real members, duh). I do not own; I do not make money. No disrespect, harm, or libel is intended; this never ever happened (and never will) as this is 100 percent fictitious.

The meeting was held after dinner the following night. Jade didn't know what to expect when he showed up to the empty classroom. It didn't matter if it would be good or bad—he was nervous and shaking. This time, he didn't dare sit in the front, instead taking a seat at a table in the back corner of the room. Sure, no one would judge him here, but he just wanted to be _invisible._

He'd put his head down on the table top, his head in his arms, when he heard the door open and close. Bringing his head up, he saw that a girl with red hair and a Berkeley sweatshirt had just walked in. He caught her eye and she smiled at him, taking a seat in the middle of the room. It was only after she'd sat down that he thought to return the smile. Before he could put his head down again, the door swung open once more, and Adam breezed in.

Their eyes met, and in that moment, Jade felt this _static_ pass between them. This time, he knew for sure that it wasn't just imagined because he felt it down to the very pit of his stomach. The way Adam looked at him... It was unlike the way any man had looked at him before. Not that he'd ever had a boyfriend before. And he could hardly believe that someone—someone he was _attracted_ to—was even so much as glancing in his direction.

"Hey," Adam greeted after a moment—a moment that had gone on too long. He smiled crookedly, and Jade's heart melted. "Glad to see you showed up."

"Did you think I wouldn't?" Jade found himself blurting out, then blushed, looking down and wishing he had more control over his big, stupid mouth. Everything that came out of it made him feel so clumsy, so awkward.

Shrugging nonchalantly, Adam replied, "Well, you never know." He left it at that for the moment, going up to the front table and taking a seat near the aisle. He put the drink cup he'd been holding on the table, and then his bag. From this perspective, he could've passed for a student. An older student, but a student, nonetheless. Jade just watched him for a few minutes, mouth dry, until Adam turned and caught his gaze. He felt his face heat up again and he looked away.

The half-smirk he saw out of the corner of his eye told him everything he needed to know—Adam had seen. And he _knew_. Jade had never wished he could disappear more than he did now. But he couldn't even hide his face; Adam was talking to him again.

"Hey, don't be so nervous. We're real chill," he assured him, the smirk turning into something kinder again. Jade never wanted him to stop smiling at him like that. "If you need to, you can always leave before the meeting's over. You're not locked into anything."

Nodding a little, Jade peeked up at him. "Uh, okay. Thanks..." He felt words he shouldn't speak collecting behind the lump in his throat. Things like _your eyes are gorgeous_ and _you have the most adorable smile ever._ He bit down on his lower lip, just in case they decided to come out.

Part of him was hoping that Adam would say something else, would turn around and tell him what they were both thinking so he'd stop feeling so awkward. And part of him was hoping that Adam would even offer to talk to him after the meeting, but neither of these things happened. Maybe it never worked that way.

He squirmed uncomfortably as the other participants filled the room one by one. And for a while, he was safe in his little corner by himself. However, soon, all the seats had filled up and he was at the table with another guy and a girl. He didn't really look at them right now, too self-conscious.

The meeting ended up not being too bad at all, despite his fears. Jade had been expecting it to be another awkward round of talking about hobbies and boring introductions to rules and procedures, but it wasn't like that. They played a game to introduce themselves, picking a partner in the classroom and then interviewing each other before introducing each other to everyone else. The other adviser, Shelly, also went over the activities that were coming up in the next few weeks. And even Jade had to admit it sounded pretty fun.

By the end of the meeting, he was glad he'd attended, even if he hadn't talked much. Adam had been right—the people there were really nice after all, and he felt like he might make friends—if he'd just stop being so goddamn socially awkward. However, the highlight of his night was when he got up to leave and turned, finding Adam had been watching him. Their eyes met again, and this time, Jade smiled at him. He was beginning to think he might just find the confidence to give it a shot.

–

Several weeks passed, and as Jade started to come out of his shell and hang out with people other than Davey, his grades began to drop. He didn't give it much thought, until the day Adam passed back their first major test. And the moment Adam walked over to him with this sort of sympathetic look on his face, he knew it was anything but good. Gulping, he took the paper from him and dared to look at the red mark at the top. His heart sank. A fucking _D_. Biting back a groan, he put his head down on his desk, crushing the urge to crumple up his test and stuff it as far in the depths of his backpack as he could. Thank God it was the end of class—otherwise, he wouldn't have been able to concentrate on the lecture.

Once Adam had finished handing the papers out, he went back down to his desk and leaned on it, looking over the class. "In general, I was really proud of you guys. A lot of you did fantastic." He paused, and Jade could've sworn his eyes were now on him though he wasn't dare going to look to confirm it. "However, I think a few of you might need some more guidance. So I'm going to start passing out study questions two nights before tests." He shuffled some papers, sticking them into his backpack. "If you have any more questions, then come up and talk to me. Have a nice weekend, okay?"

Jade could hear the other students shuffling and moving things around, listening to the sound of thumping feet on the steps as they quietly filed out. He remained at his desk, head kind of hung over his test, his eyes boring holes into that red letter at the top like staring hard enough would make it disappear. He kept sitting there until he heard footsteps coming in his direction, and he peeked up to see Adam standing by his desk.

"Did you want to see me?" he asked, hands jammed in his pockets. He was giving Jade this smile, that same sympathetic look as before.

Silent, Jade looked back down at his test, rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't say anything for several moments, but Adam didn't go away either. So he finally sighed, relented. "I guess," he mumbled.

"It's not that bad," Adam told him, taking the empty seat next to him. "You still have lots of time to make this up."

"Do you offer any extra credit?" Jade blurted, looking at him with helpless, desperate eyes. "I mean... I just...you know." He shrugged a bit.

Adam's gaze switched from him to the paper again. "No, I don't give extra credit but..." He paused, as though debating with himself. Out of the corner of his eye, Jade could see him bouncing his leg—was he nervous? Before he could draw any conclusions, Adam spoke again. "You know what? I'll tutor you if you're having trouble. I live about a block from campus, so if you want to meet at the coffee shop on the corner..." His eyes glinted as he brought them up to Jade's, and their gazes locked for a long moment.

Jade understood right away, and it had his heart beating hard in his chest. "You'd...rather go off campus?"

"Yeah, I mean, I'm free on Saturday if you wanna..." Adam trailed off, looking a little sheepish.

"Oh...uh..." Jade didn't have the courage to ask him what was on his mind—to outright ask him if this was more than a 'study date.' He squirmed a bit, playing with his pencil, his face burning. "I, uh...well..."

"If you're busy, that's fine. It's just a suggestion." Adam shrugged, grinning at him crookedly.

Jade tapped his pencil against the desktop, chewing on the inside of his lip. Finally, he shrugged as well. "I guess that's cool with me. I just... I don't know. Never mind."

"Awesome. Will you be able to meet me around seven?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Adam lean forward a little, looking almost...hopeful. Jade turned to face him, the slightest smile on his lips. "Yeah, I'm free." He paused, folding his test up and sticking it in his backpack. Then he stood, picking his bag up and slinging it over his shoulder. "I'll bring my notes and stuff. You know..." He stared down at his worn, dirty shoes, favoring that over Adam's intense blue stare. "Anyway, I got to get to my other class. I'll see you tomorrow night."

"See you then," Adam agreed, calling after him. Jade knew he was smiling without even having to turn around and look at him.

As he left the classroom and let the door shut behind him, he let out a shaky exhale, heart thudding wildly in his chest. He felt weak to the point he could hardly walk, his limbs threatening to give out on him any second. No one had ever asked him out before. He'd asked a few girls out in high school just because his friends were doing it, but this was completely different. Adam was gorgeous—and older. His _teacher_ , for fuck's sake.

It only then fully sank in, and he felt the widest, face-splitting grin spreading his mouth. Clutching the straps of his backpack, he hurried down the hall and ducked into another classroom. Nothing was going to wipe the grin off his face today. He'd just scored a date. And he felt like the luckiest guy on campus.

–

It rained all day Saturday—much to Jade's chagrin. Davey was kind enough to lend him an umbrella on one condition—that he got to walk with him to the coffee shop and sneak a peek at his 'teacher man,' as he had taken to calling him. Though he needed the moral support, Jade wasn't too keen on the idea. However, he really didn't want to look like a drowned rat—as Davey had so scornfully called him—and so he ended up walking side by side with him down the slick-dark sidewalks that night.

Davey was being obnoxious and stomping in every puddle he could find, effectively getting some of the splatter on Jade's jeans. He reminded him of a little kid with the way his eyes would light up and he'd kick at the water or splash in it. Fucking Davey. And when he finally soaked the lower cuff of his jeans, he'd had enough. He'd worked hard enough to look good tonight. Growling under his breath, he shoved at his side—hard.

"Ow," Davey whined, shooting him this dirty look. He hopped back as though injured, looking at him with that fucking _wounded_ black gaze of his. Then he was drifting back under the umbrella, running a hand through his messy blonde hair. "You're a bitch sometimes. Did you know that? Messing up my hair." He made a face.

"It's already messed up," Jade shot back, irritated. "You fried it with bleach or whatever the hell you did to it."

"Shut up. I can do whatever I want," Davey growled, shoving at him, almost pushing him over the curb.

They bickered for a few minutes, shoving, punching, slapping each other. Until Jade realized they looked like fucking _children_ and stopped, afraid Adam might somehow see how immature he was and decide he didn't want to hang around him. "Knock it off. You're making me look stupid."

"Oh, right," Davey said, jamming his hands in the pockets of his oversized hoodie. "Don't wanna look retarded in front of your teacher man." He rolled his eyes, heaving a sigh.

"Well, fuck, I'm already gonna look retarded because _you're_ there." Jade stopped in his tracks as they came up to the corner, and turned to look at Davey. His heart was fluttering in his chest, his eyes wide. And when he spoke again, it was in a hoarse whisper. "Please, _please_ don't screw this up for me. I've never had a guy like me before. You have to promise you'll stay out of the way."

"Yeah, fine." Davey waved him off. "I'll just get something to drink and spy from the corner." He smirked, eyes sparkling in the electric blue glow of the streetlights.

Jade almost dropped the umbrella to seize Davey and wrangle him, render him helpless, but then he remembered he was trying not to make a scene. "No, you will not," he said through his teeth. "You'll get your coffee and leave. And if it's still raining later....will you pick me up?"

"Nah, I don't think you'll need me. I'm sure your teacher man will have you covered." Davey beamed up at him.

"Oh, shut up," Jade grumbled. "Just wait out here for a few minutes before coming in. So it won't look like we know each other or came together or anything."

"Whatever." Davey kicked at another puddle, then burst into a laugh when some of the water splashed on Jade's shoes and the all over his jeans—much to his horror. "Sorry. I really didn't mean to this time."

Jade chose to ignore it. Instead, he shoved the umbrella into Davey's hands and pulled his hood up over his head, hurrying the rest of the way up to the door. Davey flashed him a smile and a thumbs up as he slipped inside. He just looked away, face heating up.

Although it wasn't too cold outside, the rain made it _feel_ cold, and the dry, warm comfort of the coffee shop was more than welcoming. He blinked in the golden glow of soft lights, waiting for his eyes to adjust before making his way to the front to order something. A quick glance at his watch told him he was right on time, too. He ordered some coffee with cream, then wandered to the back on shaky legs, looking around for Adam.

He found him sitting slouched at a small table jammed in the corner, arms crossed over his chest. Hoping he wouldn't notice how disgusting he looked or how there was water all over his pants, Jade walked over slowly, both hands around his mug to keep his coffee from spilling everywhere. Shakily, he sat across from him, setting the mug on the table with as much care as he could. "Hey," he said breathlessly, smiling shyly up at him.

Returning his smile, Adam straightened up. "Hi." He pushed his own mug away from him just enough so he could lean his elbows on the table. "How are you?"

"Good," Jade replied, taking a sip of his coffee and making a face as it burned his tongue. The pause stretched on for a moment as Adam waited. That awful, prickling feeling was sweeping over him, the kind he got when he didn't know what the hell to say next.

Apparently, Adam didn't know what to say next either, because he just kind of sat there, leaning against the table and looking around. Outside of the classroom—at least, in this situation—he seemed so much quieter. So much more like...himself.

Jade dropped his hands to his lap, releasing a little sigh and staring down. The sounds of light conversation and the espresso machine were the only things that cut through the stifling stillness. And it was starting to make him feel sweaty—and kind of itchy. Absentmindedly, he scratched his arm, wracked his brain for something to say. When he finally did open his big mouth, the absolute _stupidest_ thing came out. "You didn't really take me here to study, did you?"

There was a mortified pause. Most of it was on Jade's behalf. He snapped his wide eyes up, his mouth going dry and his lips parting a little. He probably looked like he'd just seen a ghost or something because Adam tried to break through the shock with a smile. And then he was chuckling, shaking his head. For the first time, he looked...vulnerable, embarrassed. "I'm glad you said something because I wasn't sure how." He rubbed the back of his neck, looking awkward, his face turning red.

"You weren't sure how?" Jade repeated, nearly laughing as he said so. He was simultaneously filled with horror—and relief. "Well, fuck... That just came out of my mouth. I wasn't sure if you really... I mean...you know." Face burning, he dropped his eyes again, unable to finish his sentence.

"Liked you?" Adam said in a low voice, almost like he was afraid someone would hear them. His smile wavered.

Slowly, Jade nodded, one hand guarding his mouth. "Yeah," he mumbled. "It was just...too good to be true. Because..." He ducked his head down a little more. "This never happened to me. It doesn't—ever."

"Yeah, most of the guys I've liked have been straight. Or unattainable." Adam's voice was quiet, slow. "I didn't think this was appropriate, but...to hell with it, huh?"

In response, Jade laughed softly, eyes still lowered, blush still painting his cheeks. He felt like his heart was going to come out of his chest and flop pathetically on the table. It was so overwhelming he didn't know how to react. It had knocked the breath right out of him. But then, in the middle of his bliss, he had an earth-shattering realization. "Wait—" He looked up at Adam, eyes wide again. "Could you...get in trouble for this?"

There was a long silence. Adam turned his eyes away from Jade's though he kept staring at him, waiting for him to meet his eyes again and tell him the truth. With each second that slipped by without a word, Jade's hope wore thinner and thinner, his face falling. It would get him in trouble. There was no doubt in his mind. "We don't have to...you know. It just means enough to me to know." Jade smiled feebly, swallowing back the disappointment. It was the adult thing to do, right? There'd be other men. But right now, he just wanted Adam so badly that it made his whole throat tighten up and ache. He took a deep breath. _Calm down._

"No, it's okay. We'll be fine." Adam finally looked back at him, and his gaze was so intense it was like a shot to the heart, making Jade breathe in sharply. "I won't let either of us get in trouble. It's not like we're doing anything wrong by talking."

Something in the back of Jade's mind told him not to do it. That this was treading thin ice. It was too risky, and he didn't want Adam to get in trouble or ruin his entire career just because of him. Just because he had some crush on him. "Well..."

It was at that moment that he saw Davey come in from the corner of his eye, and his train of thought was blown. Fuck him. He'd just had to come in and shoot that cocky little smirk in his direction right in the middle of a crucial decision. And now he couldn't remember _what_ his reasoning had been before other than them getting in trouble, which wasn't going to happen if they were careful, if they were going to hang out under the pretense of studying. And, suddenly, he was so determined and so pathetically desperate for _anything_ at all, that he disillusioned himself into thinking it could work. Deep inside, he knew better but he took the plunge anyway.

"Yeah, you're right." He eased into a relaxed grin, slumping in his chair. What was the harm in having a little fun? It wasn't hurting anyone... "So what do you say we 'study?'"

Adam laughed softly. "Sure." He pulled a notebook out of his bag and laid it open on the table, meeting Jade's eyes and smiling at him. And Jade just smiled back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, thus, things start to heat up. X) Side note: I edited this with one eye closed because I'm that dedicated. Pain won't stop me!
> 
> Muchas gracias to Audrey Way and my sister for beta-ing this chapter. :)
> 
> Disclaimer: These are mere characters based on the members of AFI (not the real members, duh). I do not own; I do not make money. No disrespect, harm, or libel is intended; this never ever happened (and never will) as this is 100 percent fictitious.

It was well past ten when Adam and Jade finally left the coffee shop. The weather outside had gotten worse, the rain falling in sheets and torrents, the kind that was biting and cold enough to take one's breath away. They'd sat inside for as long as they could, hoping the rain would let up, before they were finally told that they had to leave and had no choice but to gather their things and head out the door. Jade's shoulders tensed as the wind swept the rain against his cheek, and he stood there, huddled with Adam under the overhang, as he struggled with his umbrella.

"I'll walk you back," Adam told him, half holding the umbrella over Jade's head. It was funny how that gesture seemed so different from when he'd walked with Davey earlier, funny how a little knowledge of someone's feelings changed everything.

"Thanks." Jade smiled up at him genuinely and fell into step next to him.

A few moments passed by in silence. Jade crossed his skinny arms over his chest and hugged himself for warmth, pulling his hoodie closer around his thin frame. A chill ran down his spine, and he unconsciously stepped closer to Adam. He didn't realize it until Adam glanced down at him, but he didn't say anything about it—just smiled. A tentative smile reflected itself on Jade's lips, and he looked at Adam before he had to look down again, realizing he was dangerously close to tripping off the edge of the curb.

They stopped at the corner of the sidewalk, and Adam kept an arm kind of held out in front of Jade to stop him from walking out into the street—like he'd been about to do. His face flushed; sometimes he got so far in his head that he didn't notice what he was doing. He flashed Adam a grateful smile as the car that'd been coming passed them by, leaving them unharmed. Once the road was clear, Adam moved his arm and let Jade cross with him.

"You should be more careful," Adam told him as they stepped onto the slippery-wet grass, the water-soaked earth squishing beneath their shoes.

Blushing, Jade drew closer to him, until he could feel Adam's body heat burning through his clothes. It made him feel dizzy, especially when he caught the clean, simple smell of his aftershave, of clothes detergent. "I know," he said softly, glancing down at his shoes. "I was just thinking." He shrugged.

"About what?" Adam prodded, flicking his gaze in his direction, a little smirk twisting his mouth. By the lines at the corners of his mouth, Jade could tell he was trying to suppress it.

Embarrassed, Jade hugged himself tighter, hanging his head a bit. "I dunno. About a lot of stuff, I guess." He paused, and Adam said nothing, so he guessed that wasn't a good enough answer. He could still feel his eyes on him, questioning him. Ears growing hot, he continued in a mumbled tone, "I was just thinking about tonight."

"Ah." Adam nodded a bit, ushering Jade across the quad and towards his dorm. He didn't say anything more until they were crossing the parking lot. "Did it help at all?"

"What, tonight?" Jade looked up at him, brow wrinkling in confusion. "I don't know what you're talking about..."

"I mean, I know we didn't study much, but..."

"Oh, that." Jade stared down at his feet, watching them moving next to Adam's as they went up the familiar sidewalk to the front of his dorm. That was where they stopped just beneath the overhang, and Adam closed his umbrella, eyes locked on him. "Yeah, I guess." Jade shrugged again, finally drawing his eyes up to meet Adam's. He looked at him for a moment, wondering why he had lowered his umbrella. "Are you coming in?"

Adam hesitated, looking a little embarrassed himself. "If you want me to."

There was this tense moment of silence, in which Jade watched Adam and chewed on his lower lip—and Adam didn't so much as glance at him. He was aware, in the back of his mind, that letting Adam in could very well change things. It could go from not doing anything wrong to doing something wrong. Although, nothing would happen, right? However, if this had been a date... He felt his heart beating frantically in his chest as he tried to make up his mind. He'd never been with a man in any sort of romantic situation before, especially not in a way that could get them both caught and in trouble.

Before the tension dragged on too long, past the point of rude, Jade finally pushed open the door and held it for him. Their eyes met in silent understanding, and Adam shook his umbrella out, passing by Jade and into the darkness of the building. Shakily, Jade followed him, letting the door shut behind him with an echoing click. It made him jump, his skin crawling and his breath catching in his throat. "Fuck," he whispered, his voice hoarse and scared sounding.

"You're fine," Adam assured him, digging through his wallet for his key card. This time, he held the door open for Jade, their eyes locking again before they moved into the stairwell.

Jade's heart was beating so hard it hurt, and he could've sworn it would just stop. As they got to the landing, he pushed back on Adam's chest, looking both ways around the corner to make sure the hall was clear. It was, so he let him trail behind him, digging his nails into sweating palms. And this stupid almost-prayer was running through his head as he walked briskly, something like Oh, please, God, no; don't let anyone find out or see us. Holy shit. Fuck.

His hands were shaking as he fumbled with his keys, to the point it was difficult to get the door open. Once he did, he slipped into his room and Adam just followed, closing the door behind him. "I'm not going to stay long," Adam assured him. "I just wanted to..." He trailed off, looking sheepish.

By now, Jade was across the room, closing the blinds. He met Adam's gaze from where he was kneeling on one of the beds and his face flushed. Swallowing hard, he asked, "Wanted to...what?"

Slowly, Adam shuffled across the room and stopped at the edge of the bed, eyes locking with Jade's. They looked at each other for a long moment, breaths stifled and gazes unwavering. Jade could see Adam swallowing, and his nervousness only served to make him feel more on edge. Finally, Adam took a breath and broke the silence. "Just wanted to say goodnight."

It wasn't until Adam actually touched him that he realized what he meant by that. At first, he thought he might want more, and he nearly panicked. His eyes widened, lips parting a little though nothing came out but this strange, wispy noise. That seemed to shatter the tension because Adam chuckled slightly, shaking his head.

"Don't be so nervous." Adam leaned closer then paused, flicking his gaze to Jade's for a split second. "Is it okay?"

"Is what okay?" Jade asked in a high-pitched tone, nearly in hysterics.

"If I, um... Kissed you?" Adam kind of mumbled it, blushing and looking flustered. His grip was gentle, but Jade was shaking nonetheless. "If you don't want me to, that's fine."

For a second, Jade couldn't breathe. He just kind of stared at Adam, not knowing what to say. Part of him wanted it, but part of him was scared. Scared he'd look stupid or do something stupid or be stupid. That Adam would be so disgusted with his lack of experience that he'd tell him to forget it. Chewing on his lower lip, he considered it. This might be his only chance, and he didn't want to fuck it up. So he finally looked Adam in the eyes and nodded, too breathless to speak.

Shifting closer, Adam moved his hands to Jade's arms and leaned in. Jade's heart was in his throat as he felt Adam's breath falling softly on his face. He tried to remember what he'd done when he kissed his girlfriends in times past, and tilted his head to the other side, tentative fingers trailing up Adam's sinewy arms and grasping onto the hem of his white T-shirt. At first, he didn't really feel anything except wetness against his mouth, then the scratch of stubble against his chin. Then there was a bit more pressure, soft lips brushing against his own. He tasted like bitter coffee and cigarettes—not the most pleasant flavor, but it wasn't bad.

After a moment, he stopped chickening out, forced his lips into an awkward kissing shape. Damn, it'd been so long. He didn't know what he was doing. His hands were getting clammy and shaky, and he squeezed his eyes shut, breaths coming fast and scared against Adam's face. Adam started kissing him a little harder, so Jade just returned the pressure, following his lead. His whole body was tense and zinging with electricity, his chest aching and feeling like it'd explode. Finally, Adam pulled away with a soft smacking sound, and smiled down at Jade, who was a shaking, wide-eyed mess.

"Was that so bad?" Adam asked, grinning crookedly and putting his hands in his jeans pockets.

Shaking his head, Jade mumbled, "N-no, that was..." He paused, smiling shyly and lifting his eyes to meet Adam's. "That was awesome."

Adam nodded a little, running his tongue over his lower lip. He turned his head towards the door. "Well, I guess I'll be going now. Before I get caught." He laughed softly. "Have a good night."

As Adam walked towards the door, Jade called after him, "You too." He waited until the door fell quietly shut before he dropped back to the bed, his head spinning and his heart still pounding. Closing his eyes, he let out a tension-releasing sigh. He hadn't ever imagined that they'd get this far. And though he almost wanted to tell Davey, somehow keeping a secret felt a little sweeter.  
–

Jade continued to meet Adam after GSA on Tuesdays and at the coffee shop twice a week for their study dates. And, although these meetings were more than tutoring sessions, Jade did find himself doing better in Adam's class. Maybe it was his desire to please him—or maybe Adam was secretly bumping his grade up. He wasn't sure which one it was, but he hoped it wasn't the latter. As much as he wanted to bring his grade up, he didn't want it to be just because Adam liked him and he let him kiss him. He didn't need favoritism to get by. And the worry ate away at him until he finally decided to talk to him about it.

He waited until class was over one day and everyone else had filed out before he slipped over to Adam's desk, holding tightly onto his backpack strap. Adam was pouring over his grade book, filling in that day's activity, when Jade coughed to get his attention. Looking up, he smiled a bit and closed the book, putting his pen aside. "Hey," he said, leaning his elbows on the desk and clasping his hands. "How's it going?"

"Um, okay." Jade chewed on his lower lip, biting off a piece of loose skin there and readjusting his grip on his backpack. He stared down at the desk top, not meeting Adam's gaze. "I just wanted to ask you something."

"Sure, shoot." Adam was watching him so intently; Jade could feel his gaze on his mouth, and it made his face burn.

Jade shifted uncomfortably. "I was just, um, wondering if I was really doing better."

There was a brief pause, and when Adam spoke again, he sounded surprised. "Well, yeah, of course. You saw the grades I posted outside the door, right?"

Nodding, Jade mumbled, "Yeah, but I was just worried you were, like... It was because you liked me or something. You know?" He felt stupid and wished he hadn't said it as soon as it was hanging there in the air between them. Fuck—what if he pissed Adam off? What if Adam stopped hanging out with him and touching him and kissing him? He could hardly bear the thought.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Adam frowning. Slowly, Adam got up out of his seat and turned to erase the board. Probably so he wouldn't have to look at him while he lied, Jade thought sullenly. "I wouldn't do that," Adam said, swiping the eraser in these large, swirling motions over the board. His voice had taken on a different quality—something more clipped, almost sharp. He stopped erasing and turned to look at Jade again; an apology flashed through his eyes in the form of guilt.

Jade felt too hot, and he couldn't meet Adam's gaze. Great. He'd pissed him off. He couldn't say anything for a moment, instead swallowing hard and looking down at his feet and the worn carpet. Adam came closer, and he felt the warm weight of his hands on his shoulders. Slowly, he peeked up at him.

"I'm sorry," Adam mumbled, though Jade wasn't sure why he was apologizing. Whether it was for the way he'd talked to him before or for fucking around with his grade. Whatever it was, it was soon forgotten. Adam flicked his gaze towards the door and, seeing no one there, he ducked down to pull Jade into a quick kiss, his hands cupping either side of his face. "Don't worry about it, okay?" he murmured against his lips, thumbs brushing over his cheeks and his thin sideburns. "I'm not messing with you or your grade. Promise."

Feeling slightly comforted, Jade leaned his cheek into Adam's hand and stared up at him. Though he wasn't entirely convinced, he let it go. "Okay."

Jade leaned forward and bumped their lips together one more time, kind of clumsily as he nearly lost his balance. Adam caught him by snaking his arms around his waist, and they shared the kiss for a brief moment. By the time Jade fell back, his heart was pounding and he was out of breath. And they shared a quick, secretive smile, only interrupted by the sound of the door coming open. Jade felt a pang of panic in his chest at that and jumped visibly; Adam just chuckled, but ducked his head down to hide the nervous smile that stretched across his face. Holy shit. That had been close.

"I've got to go teach another class," Adam told him, sliding his grade book into his bag and zipping it up. "If you need anything or have any more questions, you know where my office is." He flicked his gaze up to Jade's, and a moment of understanding crackled in the air.

Jade's breath caught in his throat and he just nodded. "See ya..."

The next moment, Adam had finished packing up and was walking briskly away from him, opening the door and only holding it long enough for Jade to slip out after him. Then he was gone, disappearing down the hall and into another classroom. Jade stared after him for a moment, then let out the breath he'd been holding. He decided to skip his next class and just go back to his dorm. Right now, he didn't feel up to being seen by anyone.  
–

Adam came by his dorm to see him the next day. Jade hadn't bothered to even get up—he felt like he was getting sick, actually. His throat was dry and scratchy and he was tired. Part of him was still shaken up by almost getting caught the day before, and he'd had a hard time sleeping, worrying that someone might've seen them. Maybe it was because he was getting sick, but he was stressed out and having a hard time keeping a secret. Even Davey had noticed something was off and tried to pry it out of him, but he hadn't said a word.

He hadn't been expecting a visit—except from maybe Davey, who'd mentioned something about sitting out by the quad later. So when there was a soft knock on the door, he nearly fell out of his bed, scrambling to get some pants on. "Coming," he called, his voice slightly hoarse from sleep. He felt all heavy and bleary-eyed, his stomach feeling like lead. Shakily, he pulled on a pair of dirty sweatpants from the pile of clothes crammed in the corner and wandered over to the door, opening it a crack.

Surprise registered on his face when he caught a glint of blue of eyes, of that familiar, crooked smile. "Hey, I brought you some lunch." Adam held up a brown bag that Jade vaguely recognized from the deli down the street. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure," Jade mumbled, rubbing an eye. He held the door open for him, then shut it. Slowly, he went back over to his mess of a bed and sat down on the edge, and that was when it started to dawn on him how disgusting he must look right now. However, Adam didn't seem to notice and he was too tired to care.

Adam pulled the items out of the bag, setting them out on one of the desks. Jade watched him with half-shut eyes and lukewarm interest, more focused on his big hands than the gourmet sandwiches. With a crooked smile, Adam tossed Jade one of the subs, which he barely caught. He wasn't too hungry but he hadn't eaten all day, so he picked at the plastic wrap and peeled it down just enough to take a bite off the top. Just to be polite of course. "Thanks for the food," he mumbled around his mouthful of half chewed bread and lunch meat.

"No problem. I thought you might be hungry." Adam unwrapped his sandwich as well, tipped his chair back and leaned it against the wall.

All was quiet except for the hum of the air conditioning unit. Jade felt Adam's eyes on him as he ate, so he just kept his own gaze lowered and nibbled at his sandwich. Except for the night they'd shared their first kiss, Adam hadn't come to his dorm room, so he couldn't help but wonder why he'd risk it in the middle of the day like this. They were going to get caught at this rate. Even if they weren't doing anything, just being friendly with him could be a problem. At this thought, he felt his stomach start to hurt again.

Adam broke the silence and tore Jade from his thoughts by clearing his throat. He put his sandwich down and finished swallowing before he spoke up. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Jade said quietly, sinking back against his pillows. He didn't really feel okay though. And he knew he wasn't convincing Adam because he saw him frown. A sigh escaped him. "I dunno. I just haven't felt good today. I have a lot on my mind." He shrugged.

Wiping his hands on a napkin and then crumpling it up, Adam asked, "What's bothering you?"

A pause. Jade turned his head to stare at the wall, pinching off a bit of bread and pushing it past his lips. He could feel Adam's eyes on him in this intense, never wavering stare. And every time Adam looked at him like that, it made his heart start racing again. "I dunno." He sighed heavily. "I'm just worried, I guess. I don't want anyone to find out what we've been doing and yesterday scared the shit out of me." He laughed once, feebly.

"No one's going to find out," Adam assured him, picking up his sandwich again and taking a big, sideways bite. He chewed for a moment, leaving Jade to insecure, disconnected thoughts. "Hey, if you want, I'll be more careful on campus. I should've been yesterday but...it's hard." He shrugged, grinning sheepishly.

"That would be great." Jade breathed a little sigh of relief. "But...I just don't know where we could go."

Adam took a minute to think, to take another bite and chew and swallow. "You could come over to my place. I have an apartment one street over."

"Are you sure?" The words hung there, thin and nasal, and Jade looked over at him with anxious eyes. Adam would let him go to his apartment? It was one thing for him to come into his dorm room, but going over there... It felt like more than just messing around.

Looking at him with an amused glance, Adam replied, "Yeah, of course. I'd love to have you over sometime. Actually..." Here, he paused, as thought debating with himself. "Are you going home for fall break?"

"No..." Jade admitted, sitting up a little. Nervously, he started to pick at his sandwich again, eyes flicking from his fingers to Adam's form slumped in his chair.

"If you want, you can come hang out. Or stay for a few days..." Adam trailed off, voice tapering at the end.

That was overstepping boundaries. Jade knew it. But he couldn't say no—so he didn't. Heart rabbiting, he just nodded, slipping a piece of cheese into his mouth. His hands were shaking. And he could feel Adam's eyes on him, on his chest and his shoulders and his stomach, making his skin prickle. "Uh, yeah, sure." He smiled wanly, dark eyes focused on his fingers. There were so many things he wanted to say to Adam, to ask him, but the very thought of his answers made his throat close up to the point he couldn't breathe.

He heard the chair legs thump back down to the carpeted floor, heard muted footsteps coming his way. The bed springs creaked slightly as Adam perched himself on the edge next to Jade. He could see him from his peripheral vision as he moved closer, could feel the warmth of his arm snaking around his waist. Automatically, his eyes fell shut as Adam leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his cheekbone.

"Sometimes," Adam said slowly, his calloused hand wandering over Jade's bare side and causing little sparks to jolt through his veins, "I get the feeling you don't trust me. I just want you to know, I mean it when I say I like you. That I want this." He kissed him again, this time at the corner of his mouth. And Jade's breaths were falling faster now, his eyes squeezed shut and the tension in his head making it feel like it would explode. His mouth twitched involuntarily as Adam's lips brushed against it again, as he felt Adam's hand trailing up his back with feather-light touches.

A moment passed, where Jade sat still and shaking, and Adam just rubbed his back, forehead pressed against the side of his head. He felt Adam's other arm slip around his waist, felt his broad chest against his shoulder. By now, he had to swallow hard to keep from whimpering, the heat rushing through him at an alarming rate. Swallowing again, he finally found the strength to speak without letting out an embarrassing sound or a plea. "You want to be with me?" It was quiet, almost childish sounding.

At first, Adam didn't answer with words. He reached up and brushed through Jade's hair, the pad of his thumb moving over his temple. Jade felt his lips against his nose, his chin, and finally his mouth. "Of course I do."

Letting out a long breath, Jade smiled and leaned into Adam's chest. "Okay, good, 'cause I want to be with you too." With that, he sank down and let Adam fall next to him, turning his head to give him a small kiss on the lips.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we got one more chapter after this! I really hope you will enjoy. ;)
> 
> Special thanks to mandasapanda and my sister for looking over this.
> 
> Disclaimer: These are mere characters based on the members of AFI (not the real members, duh). I do not own; I do not make money. No disrespect, harm, or libel is intended; this never ever happened (and never will) as this is 100 percent fictitious.

Fall break came and Jade's apprehension rose. By now, he was mostly sure that he and Adam were dating, but he didn't ask him about it. Adam sure acted like his boyfriend, though, bringing him food and paying for things and taking him out. It was different from anything he'd ever had before; then again, his other relationships had been immature and they hadn't lasted long. Davey still didn't know, though he expressed his suspicions in the form of raised eyebrows and mumblings about how Jade was acting weird—that he was jumpy and skittish like a scared rabbit. And Jade was aching to tell him, but now it'd gone on for so long that he didn't know how.

Currently, he was repeating the directions Adam had given him and walking down the sidewalk, hauling a backpack full of stuff and a small bag of clothes. He was pretty sure the apartments he was looking at across the street were the ones Adam lived in, and he flashed another quick glance at the street sign to make sure. Satisfied, he waited for the traffic to thin so he could cross, then made a mad dash for it and hurried through the parking lot. He glanced at the number he'd scribbled on his hand when Adam had called him that morning, searching the apartment numbers.

It didn't take him too long to find the right building, and he hurried up to stairs to the third floor. He stopped in front of the door, heart pounding, and knocked. Only a few seconds later, Adam answered the door and smiled when he saw him. "Hey, come on in." He held it open for Jade, then shut it and locked it once he'd stepped inside. "You can put your stuff wherever."

Jade just went and put his things down in the living room, then shuffled back over to Adam. "So, uh... What are we doing today?"

"I thought we could have a lazy morning and maybe go out this afternoon. I'm burned out from grading essays." Adam padded into the kitchen, gesturing for Jade to follow him. "So what do you say we start with some brunch?"

Jade scrunched his nose up at the mention of those essays; he'd pulled an all-nighter for that but he didn't dare tell Adam. It was still kind of weird, in that stomach-dropping way, to think that he was his teacher. Shaking it from his head, he stopped in the middle of the tile floor and watched as Adam pulled out a frying pan. "Yeah, brunch sounds nice," he said with a tiny smile.

"Then why don't you help me fix it?" Adam asked, grinning at him. He pulled a pear out of the fruit bowl on the counter and tossed it to Jade. "You can wash and cut up some fruit. I'll make some eggs."

Turning the pear around and around, Jade wandered over to the sink and turned the cold water on. He rinsed the pear off before plucking a paper towel and laying it down on the counter. Then he grabbed an apple from the bowl and repeated the procedure. He only took a few more pieces of different fruit before he was satisfied, then got to cutting them up. Adam pushed a cutting board and a knife his way, and he carefully cubed the fruit, going slow so he wouldn't accidentally slice his hand open and spurt gross amounts of blood everywhere.

After he finished cutting the fruit, he slid the pieces into a bowl and mixed them up, then put it down on the small kitchen table in the corner of the room. He couldn't help but wonder how long Adam had been living here by himself, if he often ate alone. It was kind of sad to think about. He looked over at Adam, watching his back as he sprinkled cinnamon and sugar on slices of bread to make cinnamon toast. Maybe that was why he was here now...

"Keep an eye on the toast," Adam told him, shutting the oven door and going to fetch the platter of scrambled eggs he'd made. "I'll set the table."

Nodding, Jade shuffled over and watched the oven window, listening to Adam go back and forth across the kitchen. He still had a hard time believing he was here, that Adam really liked him. But then he felt a hand brush over his lower back and a soft kiss to the base of his neck, and he smiled a little, this warmth bubbling up inside his chest and filling his whole body.

Once the toast was done, they sat down at the table to eat. Adam had already dished out the food on their plates and poured up some coffee for them; Jade found his had cream in it, just the way he liked. He smiled at Adam, murmuring a small thank you for the meal before he dug in. "You've gotta be the best boyfriend ever," he blurted, only after the fact having the grace to blush. Adam had never said he was his boyfriend, right?

But Adam didn't correct him. He just smiled and took another bite of his eggs. That was confirmation enough, and Jade's stomach went back to its normal place. A relieved sigh escaped his lips, and for once, he was able to enjoy his food and just relax. Strangely enough, right now he felt like he really was an adult, like he was living the first serious relationship of his life.  
–

Adam had made plans with him to go to a concert in San Francisco that evening; it was supposedly to make up for the ball game he was going to make Jade endure the next day. He didn't mind, though; he'd go anywhere if Adam was there. And though the band they'd seen hadn't been anyone he'd heard of before, he and Adam had similar tastes and he'd really enjoyed himself. There was something about being at a show and experiencing it with someone special that went beyond going to see it with friends. Whatever it was, he hadn't wanted the night to end.

During the drive back to Adam's apartment, they talked about music for a while before lapsing into comfortable silence. Jade had rested against the car door and let himself go into a half-sleep until they arrived. And it was only when Adam opened the door and he nearly fell out that he fully woke up. Adam just smiled at him and helped him out of the car, leading him up the stairs.

"So, did you have fun?" Adam asked as he unlocked the door and let him inside.

Jade nodded, smiling up at Adam and giving him a half hug. "Yeah, thanks for taking me."

"No problem." Adam returned the hug and then flicked on the lights in the living room. "Are you tired?"

Jade was more than just tired. His entire body was aching from the pit, and his legs felt like they'd give out on him any moment. The adrenaline was still pumping through him and keeping him from the most of the pain, though he knew he wouldn't be feeling that good in the morning. "Yeah," he said, stopping before he got to the hall. He glanced at Adam, and it suddenly occurred to him that he didn't know where he'd sleep. "Um... Do you want me to sleep on the couch?"

A surprised chuckle escaped Adam, and he shook his head. "You don't have to, unless you want to." He brushed past Jade, hand swiping over his shoulder. The touch sent shivers through his whole body and he swallowed hard. And, suddenly, Adam turned and looked him dead in the eye. "Do you trust me?"

Heart starting to pound, Jade nodded. He had a feeling he knew what Adam was about to tell him. "Yeah, of course..."

There was a pause. Adam reached for Jade's hand and took it, his own hand rough, warm, gentle. "You can stay with me if you want."

The only sound Jade could hear was his heart in his ears. He darted his eyes from one side of the room to the other, lips parted but nothing coming out. In the back of his mind, he was quite aware of what this could mean, what could happen. But the excitement and longing outweighed anything else, so he squeezed Adam's hand and met his eyes, nodding.

Adam just smiled, lacing their fingers together and leading him down the dimly lit hall. They veered to the left into what he assumed was Adam's bedroom, but the light remained off. He heard the door quietly click shut, heard Adam's soft footsteps across the floor. And then he felt warm hands on his sides and a pair of lips against his own. It sent bursts and sparks through his body, and his breath caught in his throat as he wrapped his arms around Adam's waist and held on tightly, returning the kiss with gentle, now learned brushes.

They kissed there for several moments until Jade's eyes grew accustomed to the dark and he could make out shadowed outlines. Carefully, he stumbled back to the bed and sat on the edge, watching Adam's figure through the darkness. He could vaguely see him peeling his shirt off and the thought of what he must look like, the thought of that toned body, made his heart skip a beat. By now he was shaking vigorously, his breaths coming faster despite himself, and he could feel himself stirring in his too-tight pants.

Adam came over to the bed and sat next to Jade, gradually easing himself back onto the mattress—an action Jade followed. Now that they were lying side by side, it was more real than ever. Jade could hardly breathe, especially when he felt Adam's warm skin brushing against his arm, felt his breath falling heavily on his cheek as he kissed it. And Jade was so close to just saying fuck it and reaching down to cup himself, to give himself a bit of pressure and friction to ease his now painful erection.

Gingerly, Adam turned Jade around to face him, sliding his hand up his arm and to his face, leaving goosebumps in the wake of his touch. An embarrassing whimper sounded in the back of Jade's throat as Adam brushed their lips together several times, hand fondling his neck and his cheek. Tentatively, Jade put a hand on Adam's side and flinched when he felt the bare skin. He felt the muscles quiver under his touch, and he scooted closer until he could feel Adam's body heat mingling with his own, could feel his rock solid body pressing against his. His heart leapt when he shifted and felt something hard against his thigh, and he had to clench his teeth to keep from begging Adam to just fucking touch him already, to put his hand in his pants or not in his pants—he didn't care as long as he touched him.

Gentle kisses turned into firmer ones, and then wet, sloppy ones. Soon, Jade had his mouth mashed desperately against Adam's and bottom teeth scraping against his lips, body practically writhing against his in want. It was beyond painful how much he wanted him, how hard he was and how difficult it was to control himself. He could hear his own breaths, ragged and gasping, could hear his whimpers turning to pleas muffled by Adam's lips. It would've made him die of embarrassment had he not been so turned on.

And Adam was kissing him back, hands wandering over his thin frame and coming to rest at his hips. They just kissed for what seemed like forever, until Jade felt hot and sweaty and stifled; he couldn't breathe. His own hand was beginning to creep between them, to touch himself because he was just that desperate, when he felt Adam's calloused hand over his own, stopping him. For a moment, there was stillness except for the rapid fluttering in his chest, and then Adam was nudging him onto his back with his body, moving his hand so he wouldn't crush it as he came down on top of him.

"Ungh..." Jade felt the breath rush out of him, felt his body jolt up off the bed and arch as Adam put his entire weight on him. "Please...fuck..." He trembled, eyes squeezed tightly shut as Adam started kissing his neck, lips brushing against every sensitive spot he hadn't known he'd had. He hadn't known that just kisses could feel so good.

All these cheesy as fuck porn star phrases were flying through his head, things he'd watched but never experienced. He almost wanted to say them but found himself incapable of speech. Clenching his teeth, he breathed heavily through his nose and pushed up against Adam's body, unable to help but grind against his hips. The friction made him feel so hot, made him want to go faster and harder. A sharp gasp split through the air but this time it wasn't from Jade. He fell back down to the mattress, springs squeaking, and stared up at Adam. Their eyes met and that was it.

Next thing Jade knew, Adam was tugging at his shirt, pulling it over his head and then leaning down to scatter kisses over his collarbone, his heaving chest. By now, things that Jade just couldn't control were falling from his mouth, things like fuck me and oh, God, please. These were the things that kids only dreamed about, he thought vaguely. About getting fucked by a hot teacher, but of course it never happened. But it was happening.

He shuddered as Adam's calloused fingertips brushed against his hipbones, tracing the skin along the hem of his jeans. He bit down on his lip as Adam undid his pants, breathed a sigh of relief when he was freed and his pants were pulled down to his ankles. That was the only time Adam lifted his body from Jade's and made him whimper in want, made him scramble to grab onto his belt and work the buckle undone with clumsy fingers. As soon as Adam had finished undressing him, he helped Jade with this task, and together they pulled his jeans and boxers down.

Even in the darkness, Jade could tell he was big. His mouth went dry, and he flicked his gaze up to Adam, wondering what he should do now. Was he supposed to touch it? Put his mouth on it? He was about to do one of those things when Adam leaned over to the nightstand and dug around it, eliciting Jade's curiosity. It was sated when he heard the crinkle of a wrapper—a condom, he realized. Holy shit. He felt his teeth start to chatter, and his insides were coiling and twisting and feeling like fucking fireworks exploding.

He lifted his head, watching over his rising and falling chest as Adam moved between his legs, something in his hand. He only realized it was lube when he heard him squirting some into his palm, saw him coating his fingers with it. And now he couldn't swallow or breathe, his throat closing up. His heart was beating unnaturally hard to the point he was scared his ribs would crack, and his body jolted as he felt the cool slickness of a lubricated finger tracing along the cleft of his ass.

"Is this okay?" Adam asked, his voice low and smoky in his throat. He felt a finger pressed firmly against him, starting to sink past the tight ring of muscle.

Nodding furiously, Jade watched with wide eyes as Adam lowered his head, pressed kisses along his hips and his waist, so close to his cock but not nearly close enough. His hands fluttered to Adam's head, weaving through his hair and pressing him closer, the please bubbling in his throat but turning into a burning moan as he felt Adam's finger ease inside him all the way, bump against something sensitive that made a surge run through his groin. He'd fingered himself before, but this was beyond anything he'd experienced. To have another person touching him was so much different. Automatically, he reached down to touch himself, but Adam stopped him.

A second finger slipped in, and it wasn't too bad either. Jade's body tensed, his hips angling up as he braced himself against the mattress. "God, please," he finally managed to get out, his other hand sliding down his body. Adam couldn't stop him this time, so he wrapped his fingers around himself and jerked a few times, imagining Adam's tongue on him, imagining what Adam's thick fingers looked like pushed inside his body.

The third finger didn't feel as good as the other two, and a burning, stabbing sensation shot through him for just a moment. He panted raggedly, gritting his teeth. It wasn't unfamiliar, but Adam's fingers were bigger than his. And God knew what it would feel like when he used his cock. He lay still, just breathing and letting Adam fuck him with his fingers, trying to get his body to relax. But then he felt Adam blowing cool air over his cock the same moment he brushed against his prostate, and it made him jump again, bursting out, "Fuck!"

Satisfied, Adam withdrew his fingers slowly, then eased Jade over onto his stomach. Jade lay still, heart pounding, cheek pressed against the pillow. He tried to see what was going on behind him, but he couldn't see a thing. Trembling, he pushed his legs beneath him and lifted his ass, sliding his arms up under the pillow and gripping it like there was no tomorrow. Holy shit. He was about to lose his virginity.

An embarrassing squeaky noise fell from his lips when he felt hands prying his cheeks apart, felt heated hardness against the cleft of his ass. A split second was spent breathing, taking in a deep breath and holding it, and then Adam started to push into his body. He bit down on the pillow, teeth clenched around the soon saliva soaked fabric, breaths shaky and loud. It felt like his whole body was being torn apart, and he clawed at the sheets, whimpering under his breath. His body ached for a long moment as Adam finishing sinking inside him. It wasn't until Adam had asked him if he was okay and he'd confirmed that he started moving, rocking his hips slowly against Jade, the sound of skin hitting skin filling his ears.

"Oh, God..." Jade gasped out, eyes snapping open wide. "Oh, God." He let one hand slide beneath his body to rub against his cock, the other slipping beneath his chest to contain his pounding heart. He didn't think he'd ever been shaking this hard in his life.

Adam's hands fell on his hips, gripping them tightly as he fell into a steady rhythm, expertly rocking against Jade's body and pressing him against the mattress. Jade would've slid up against the headboard, had he not reached out and grabbed the bars, braced himself and pushed back against Adam's body. He tried to crane his neck to see what was going on, but he could only see Adam's dark outline moving, could only make out that his mouth was open and nothing more. But he heard him breathing hard, felt his sweaty grip tightening and his nails digging into his flesh.

Gradually, the heated waves drowned out the burning, the aching. Jade squeezed his eyes shut and focused on each thrust, on how it felt to have a cock inside him and pressing bursts of pleasure against that spot deep inside him. He arched his body more, groaning and starting to rock back against Adam, out of rhythm. By now, he'd regained his balance and braced himself enough so he wouldn't need to hold onto anything. Sucking in a sharp breath, he let go of the bars and wrapped his fingers around his own cock and fucked his hand, the friction of skin sliding against skin driving him insane. His gut churned when he felt Adam's hand sliding down from his hip to his waist, gradually replacing his own hand and working him in quick, timed jerks. He felt his breath catch and just stop. He had to grab the bars again.

All it took was one more hard thrust deep inside his body, one more jerk of Adam's calloused fingers over the underside and head of his cock, and it hit him harder than it had in his entire life. Biting down on the pillow, he let out a strangled half-scream, toes curling and grip increasing around the bars of the bed so tightly it made his hands hurt. He rocked back against Adam fast and hard, body undulating and writhing in uncontrolled desperation. He exploded into Adam's hand, moaning and crying his name, hips jolting involuntarily.

Adam lasted a bit longer than he did, continuing to fuck him. Jade let go of the bars and lay there, barely able to hold himself up on gelatin limbs, heart thudding against his hand and breaths coming out wheezed and ragged. For the next couple of minutes, he just let Adam rock into him gasping and moaning until he came.

They both collapsed to the bed, shaking and breathing raggedly. Jade's breaths had come down, but he was still shaking just as hard as ever, even harder than Adam was. He could feel Adam's sweat-ridden skin adhered to his own wherever their bodies met, could feel his chest heaving against his back. After a moment, Adam nuzzled against his shoulder blade, gave it a gentle kiss. "Thanks," he panted, wrapping his arms around him and holding him tightly.

"No, thank you." The smile was evident in Jade's breathless voice; he was glad it had been Adam. He couldn't imagine anyone else being that careful with him.

They lay like that for a while, until the sweat began to dry on their skin and Jade began to shiver. Adam rolled off of him and cleaned up the mess with tissues and gentle hands, then drew Jade close to his chest and pulled the covers up over them. For several minutes, they kissed softly, until Jade buried his nose in Adam's collarbone and closed his eyes, the exhaustion getting the better of him. And within the next five minutes, he'd fallen asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! Thank you everyone who's taken the time to read and review, to keep up faithfully with this story. I really enjoyed writing it and I hope you all have enjoyed reading it. This last chapter makes me nervous for reasons I'm sure you'll understand getting through it, but I believe it turned out properly all the same.
> 
> Special thanks to my sister for helping me with this chapter and giving me feedback! She's a doll.
> 
> Disclaimer: These are mere characters based on the members of AFI (not the real members, duh). I do not own; I do not make money. No disrespect, harm, or libel is intended; this never ever happened (and never will) as this is 100 percent fictitious.

Weeks passed and Jade felt like he was on cloud nine. He and Adam continued to see each other in private, and weekends were spent at Adam's apartment. He felt like he slept in his bed more often than his own, and Adam taught him all sorts of things he hadn't even dreamed of. It was funny when he thought about it like that—about Adam being his teacher both in the classroom and in the bed. Sex was still new to him, and his drive shot through the roof now that he got to taste it, experience it. Adam seemed more interested in doing things with him instead of doing things _to_ him, but he humored him enough. They stole kisses and moments beyond Adam's apartment, confidence and boldness growing to the point they even fucked in Jade's dorm room a couple of times. And Jade got cocky about it, careless. He didn't realize just how much until the day he caught Adam's arm before they left the classroom and gave him a kiss.

It was only after he left the classroom and came around the corner that he came face to face with Davey, who was staring at him like he was nuts. His mouth was set in a tight line, eyes nearly black. "Dude, did you just kiss your teacher?" he said under his breath, grabbing Jade's arm in a vise-like grip. It hurt and made Jade hiss slightly; he was sure it'd leave a discolored bruise later.

"I, um..." Jade gulped, smiling sheepishly.

Davey narrowed his eyes a bit, dragging Jade down the hall and ducking into an alcove. "What the fuck? Are you dating him? And you didn't tell me?"

By this point, Jade was more concerned about the fact that _someone had seen_ than he was about calming Davey down or explaining himself. He broke out into a sweat. If Davey had seen, then who else had seen them? When they walked together to his dorm? When they went out for coffee or dinner? When they stole kisses in the lounge and in Adam's office? "Fuck..."

"Fuck is right," Davey growled, twisting his arm painfully. "How long have you been keeping this a secret, man?"

Jade blinked, drawing wet, dark eyes to Davey's too-intense ones. His eyes looked like coals burning holes into his own. It was more than a little unsettling. "Since September," he mumbled, looking down at his shoes.

"Fuck, Jade!" Davey's eyes were wide, his nails digging into the fabric of Jade's hoodie. "You're so fucked, did you know that? I didn't think you'd really—"

"What do you mean I'm fucked?" Jade snapped, jerking his arm away from Davey. "Lay off, dude."

"I mean you're fucked because you're gonna get in trouble. I don't think I was the only one who saw that." Davey's voice had taken on another quality, somewhat childish and scared.

At this, Jade grabbed him by the shoulders, eyes wide. He could hardly breathe and he felt like the room was spinning around, like he would faint. "Wh-what do you mean?" he sputtered.

Looking helpless, Davey replied, "Well, I dunno for sure but I was walking behind this other teacher and... I don't know. He left and stuff and then I saw you kiss your teacher man." His eyes darted around, and he licked at his lip ring. Trying to make Jade feel better, he offered, "Maybe you kissed him after he walked away?"

Jade squeezed his eyes shut and let Davey go, slumping back against the wall and hitting his head against it in a way that made a dull ache split through his skull. He heard Davey murmur his name in a questioning tone, but he didn't reply, just sank down to the floor and pulled his knees to his chest, burying his face in them. "Shit," he whispered, his voice hoarse and high-pitched. The best thing of his life—and he'd already ruined it by being a careless fuck. He was an _idiot_.

He heard shuffling, and then a thump as Davey sat down next to him. Davey didn't say anything, but he felt his hand on his arm, rubbing it reassuringly. "It'll be okay. Hey, c'mon, cheer up. I'll buy you some gummy bears or something. Will that help?"

"No, of course it won't!" Jade nearly snapped, hugging his knees closer. He fell silent, and Davey didn't say anything, just continued to pet his arm.

Several moments passed, and Jade could feel his eyes stinging a little, his teeth chattering. His stomach was burning to the point he thought he was going to puke, like he'd had too much to drink and now he was disoriented and sick. He'd really blown it. If that teacher had seen... They were in a world of trouble.

"I'm sorry," Davey said after a few tense moments, his voice again sounding childish, uncertain. He sighed heavily, and Jade heard him shifting again, felt him taking his arm in both hands. "C'mon, get up. Let's just get you back to your room. I'll make you some tea and we can listen to the Misfits."

Jade didn't really want to, but he let Davey help him to his feet anyway. He was so shaky he could hardly stand and had to slump against the wall as Davey picked up his stuff. With another mumbled _c'mon_ , Davey took his arm and herded him towards the exit; he had no recollection of how he got from the humanities building to his dorm, and just felt like he'd floated there.

Davey dumped his things on the floor and kicked them to the side, bumping the door shut behind them. Then he deposited Jade on his bed, where he just dropped and lay there like a log. He half listened to Davey going around the room and cursing under his breath as he looked for a mug, then to the sound of the door opening as Davey went out to get some water. Closing his eyes, he tried to conjure up excuses and alibis for what would happen if they did get in trouble. He almost wanted to hide from Adam at this point, just to stave off what felt like the inevitable.

In several minutes, Davey came back from the kitchen with a steaming cup of tea. He set it down on the little table next to Jade's bed, then flopped down next to him and started tearing into a plastic bag of gummies. He threw it in Jade's direction, and laughed weakly as it hit him on the face. "Sorry," he mumbled. Jade didn't say anything or move for a minute. Finally, the smell of the gummies enticed him enough to sit up and take the bag, digging into it with long fingers.

They passed the bag back and forth, popping the candy in their mouths and chewing in silence. It reminded Jade of back in high school, when he, Mark, Nick, and Davey used to gamble with these things. A little, sad smile flickered on his lips, and he reached for his mug, taking a sip of his tea. "Thanks, dude," he said quietly, setting his mug down again.

"No problem." Davey grinned at him, gummy bits stuck in his teeth and making Jade laugh a little. "You're gonna live, okay? I'm sure that dude didn't see. You were pulling him down when I looked. I'm sure of it."

Jade raised an eyebrow, taking the bag of gummies from Davey and digging another out. He squished it between two fingers, staring at its cute little face before biting its head off. "You sure?"

"Yeah." Davey took the bag back, the plastic crinkling as he did so. "You'll be okay. Just be more careful."

"Well, you could've told me that before!" Jade snorted, frowning deeply. "Shit, Dave. Way to give a guy a heart attack."

Davey smiled sheepishly, turning a gummy bear over and over in his fingers. "Sorry—I didn't mean to. I just freaked out." He shrugged his skinny shoulders.

Relaxing back against the pillows, Jade gave him the finger, which Davey gleefully returned. He didn't outright say it was all right, but the gleam in his eyes said it for him and Davey relaxed. He tossed the gummy bears back in Jade's direction, letting the bag land on his chest, then stretched out over the bed for Jade's boombox.

"So, what do you say we listen to the Misfits now?" He smiled, pulling a tape out of his backpack and cocking an eyebrow, a smirk. "Do you wanna?"

"Oh, fine," Jade relented, reaching out a foot to kick at Davey. Davey just swatted it away and made a face at him, putting the tape in and then settling back on the opposite side of the bed, resting his arms behind his head and staring up at the ceiling. And for a short while, everything seemed normal again.

–

Davey stayed for several hours. After they finished the tape, they just lay there for a while, talking about music and the bands they'd had. Davey had just finished telling him how his band had broken up because of college, and they'd fallen silent for a long time, just looking at the ceiling and listening to the window unit whirring as the heat turned on. The silence gave Jade some time to think, some time to calmly reflect on his relationship and what had happened. The true weight of it was just now sinking in. It wasn't a good feeling.

Deep inside he knew it wasn't right—to feel like they had to sneak around. To know that they'd be in trouble with _everyone_. It wasn't like Adam could take Jade home to meet his family on Christmas—or vice versa. His parents had no problem with his orientation, but they'd have a _cow_ if they knew he was fucking his teacher. They'd definitely think he'd been coerced into it and call the school and complain about perverts or something. It was making him sick to his stomach and he was wishing he hadn't eaten those stupid gummy bears.

He took a few deep breaths, the kind that one takes to calm a sick stomach before throwing up. His eyes were half-closed, but he saw Davey lift his head a bit to look at him, concern furrowing his brow. Before he could ask, Jade spoke up, "Um, Dave, can I talk to you? About something serious?"

Scrambling to sit up, Davey nodded. "Yeah, of course." He was quiet for a moment, watching Jade take shallow breaths. "Hey, are you okay? You look sick."

Jade shook his head, so Davey got up and slipped out of the room. He wondered where he'd gone until he came back with a cup of water, handing it to him. Then, he sat back on the edge of the bed and watched him, eyes softened in worry.

Though the water probably wouldn't help, Jade took a small sip before setting it on the bedside table. He let his hand fall to his stomach, kind of staring down at it. A few moments of silence passed before he said anything. "It's not good, is it?"

"What?" Davey prodded, scooting a little closer.

Looking miserable, Jade took a breath, continued. "Fucking my teacher..."

Davey's eyebrows nearly disappeared past his shaggy hair. "You _fucked_ him?"

"Well, what'd you expect, dumbass? I've been dating him for, like, almost three months."

Slowly, Davey nodded, guilt flashing across his face. "Sorry, I was just surprised."

A dry laugh escaped Jade. "What, did you think I'd never get some or something? Because I'm a shy nerd? A loser?" He let it hang there thickly in the air, but Davey didn't say anything, not even teasing him or defending himself. He didn't even punch him. Instead, he just sat there with his hands in his lap, sitting on his feet. Jade's scornful expression melted, and he dragged his hands over his face. "That was shitty of me. Just forget it." A long pause.

Davey let the silence hang there for a couple of minutes, just sitting there and watching Jade. Jade knew he was because he could feel his eyes on him. It started to make him feel prickly and itchy, the kind he got whenever he'd done something wrong. But then Davey broke the silence and his muscles untensed. "So...what about it?"

"I was just thinking... It kind of sucks that we can't tell anyone about it." Jade paused, sighing heavily through his nose, feeling like his body was suddenly too heavy for him and everything was sagging. For the first time in months, it hit him, again, why he shouldn't have done this. "I mean, yeah you wanna think your 'love' or whatever can prevail, but... This is just a lot of pressure." He was quiet again, but Davey said nothing. He just waited for Jade to continue. "It made me jumpy a lot, you know? Not being able to talk about it, being scared someone would see. And then we slept together and I just...it felt like nothing was wrong anymore."

"I don't know what to tell you..." Davey stretched out on the bed, lying on his stomach and looking at Jade, his chin propped in his hand. "Yeah, it does suck that you could get in trouble. I mean, let's be honest... It's thrilling but it doesn't make good relationship material, does it?" He grabbed the almost empty bag of gummy bears from the corner of the bed, plucking one out and chewing on it. "Besides, he is a lot older than you. Maybe not in a few years, but right now the gap is pretty fucking huge."

"I know..." Jade felt his throat closing up, his eyes stinging. He blinked rapidly, and he could see Davey's dark eyes watching him from his peripheral vision. He really didn't want to cry in front of him, but he found himself sniffing anyway.

Reaching out and rubbing his shoulder, Davey said, "It's okay, dude. Everything's gonna be okay." His voice was quiet, and he rubbed his thumb firmly against the edge of Jade's collarbone. "Everyone gets like that sometimes. Makes dumb decisions. It's human. It doesn't make you stupid or anything."

Jade didn't say anything for a moment—just sniffed. It was starting to sink in just _how bad_ this was. He shook his head as Davey offered him the gummy bear bag, instead choosing to curl up away from him, arms folded over his chest and holding himself. "We have to...hide our relationship until _I graduate_ , Dave. What am I supposed to do? What if I can't do it? Oh, God..."

There was a pause as Davey shifted, ducking down so he wouldn't hit his head on the shelves above Jade's bed. "Do you wanna know what I think?" He waited until Jade had murmured a hoarse _what?_ , then continued. "I think you should call it off now. I mean, you're already in pretty fucking deep since you're sleeping with him and stuff. You shouldn't do that with just anyone 'cause it bonds you." He shrugged. "I'm sure you know that by now."

"Of course I knew that!" Jade snapped, wounded. "Don't talk to me like you fucking know everything."

As he closed his eyes, he could imagine the look on Davey's face, the incredulous raise of his eyebrows and the unimpressed lock of his jaw. "Listen, I'm not trying to lecture you. I'm just saying," Davey began in that self-righteous tone of his. Jade couldn't take it. He shot a glare over his shoulder, his eyes teary, and Davey dropped it, expression softening. "Sorry..." He cleared his throat. "What I mean is... Maybe you should cut it off for now. It doesn't mean you can't ever have it, just..." He shrugged, looking away. "Maybe while you're in school you should just be friends or something."

Jade breathed in shakily through his nose, his stomach feeling like cardboard. "Do you have any idea how tough this is? You make it sound so easy..."

Davey shrugged again. "It's up to you. I'm not telling you you _have_ to do anything. I'm just saying if it hurts you this much, something's wrong. You know that."

For several minutes, Jade lay there in silence, just taking deep breaths and sighing them out. He squeezed his eyes shut, thinking about what Davey had said. Thinking about how anxious his relationship made him and how jumpy he'd get. How he couldn't tell his parents, his sister, his friends. Davey was the only one who knew and that was only because he'd seen them, and he was damn lucky that it'd been him instead of someone else. And one of these days they _were_ going to get caught. They just couldn't have a normal relationship no matter how hard they tried.

Slowly, he sat up and turned to face Davey, his vision blurred from tears. Before Davey could protest, he'd grabbed onto him and was crushing him, hot tears soaking his sweatshirt and snot oozing out onto the fabric. Awkwardly, Davey patted him on the back and let him cry. He didn't tease him, didn't shove him off, didn't laugh at him scornfully. Sometimes, he doubted Davey, but it was times like these that he realized he was his best friend in the whole world.

–

Adam came to see him that evening. The moment Jade opened the door and saw him, his stomach lurched and he felt sick, remembering the conversation he and Davey had had earlier that day. Adam drew his eyes up to meet Jade's, this weak, tentative smile playing on his lips. But it didn't meet his eyes. "Hey, can I come in?"

Nodding, Jade held the door open for him, quietly shutting it behind him. As he'd done so many times before, Adam crossed the room and sank down into a chair by the desk, but this time he kept his eyes on the ground.

Jade knew what was going to happen—and he could tell Adam felt guilty. He shuffled across the room and sat down on his bed, knowing they had to have this talk and knowing they both agreed, but he felt like he'd cry all over again. Part of him wished Davey was still here, but this was something he had to face alone. He took a deep, shaky breath, grabbing his pillow and bunching it up, hugging it between his knees and chest and resting his chin on it. Too-big eyes peered over it at Adam.

"We got caught," Adam said.

It hung there in the air for a long moment, this heavy and terrible thing. And though Jade had known it was coming, it still made his stomach twist. He clutched the pillow tighter to his chest, sucking in a sharp breath. "I figured," he mumbled, burying his mouth in the pillow.

Adam finally looked up, running a hand through his hair, expression unreadable but his eyes were stormy and gray. "We're lucky because it was someone I know well, and he said he wasn't going to say anything about it." Adam let out a little breath. "But... You know."

Nodding, Jade looked down and swallowed hard. "I know," he said softly, picking at his cuticle. A deep breath. "My friend saw us, too. I just...don't think we can keep this a secret." He paused, swallowed hard, forced himself to say the adult thing. "I don't think it's healthy."

"Me either." Adam shifted, his seat creaking as he did so. He sighed a little. "Look, this is my fault, and I'll take full responsibility for it." He swallowed hard. "I shouldn't have, you know."

"I know." Jade looked down at his hands, the heat creeping up his face. "But it's not just your fault. I'm not a kid. I knew better too." He picked at a loose thread on his shirt sleeve, watching it unravel.

Adam shrugged. "Yeah." He crossed his arms over his chest, slumping in his seat and bouncing his leg. Even now, he wouldn't look at Jade. "I think we need to take a step back... Because we can't keep this a secret. We shouldn't have to."

Though Jade had already made the same decision, it still made his chest ache, made the heat turn into tears. Slowly, he nodded, voice shaky. "I feel the same." He hugged the pillow even tighter; it was the only thing that made this bearable. "Maybe we can try again in the future?" He bit down on his lower lip.

For the first time since he'd arrived, Adam looked over at him, this sad smile playing on his lips. And Jade was surprised to find that his eyes looked misty too. For a long moment, he didn't say anything. Then he got up and went over to him, pulling him into a tight hug, crushing him against his chest. That was the moment that Jade knew he cared. "I'd like that. Now just isn't the right time."

A soft sort of cold comfort washed over Jade, and he dropped the pillow to return the hug, winding his arms around Adam's waist and pulling him close. He held him there for a moment, breathing in his scent and letting the tears come. And Adam just held him, rubbing his back in firm, slow motions, his knuckles massaging the tight muscles and the ridge of his spine. Burying his face in Adam's shoulder, Jade sniffed and asked, "You promise we can try again later?"

Adam pulled back to look at him, and he nodded. "Just give it some time. Who knows? I might transfer schools." He winked a little at Jade, and it made him smile softly, hope fluttering in his chest.


End file.
